Furthermore...

I've been thinking about the stuff I wrote about religion the other day and wanted to elaborate (ramble on some more) further...

I can understand that an individual person would choose to remain single rather than marry someone outside their faith. It's not what I would choose because I come from a different place, but I can see how someone else could feel that way. What was surprising to me, I guess, was that in this particular discussion (I think it was on the Time and Seasons blog) was that there were people who vehemently asserted that no faithful LDS person should ever marry outside the temple. Who are they to say what everyone should do? To judge the righteous desires of another's heart? And further, these were married people saying that other people should have to remain single if they don't find an LDS marriage partner. Easy to say when you've already found someone, yk? I find that annoying. (Big surprise... me? annoyed by something? LOL) I'm just not really big on sweeping generalizations about how other people should live, I guess. And I'm a "love will conquer all" sort of a person, which is lame and idealistic and not realistic, but there ya go. Love has conquered a hell of a lot of hardship over the years at my house, so it works for me. :)

Also, thinking a lot over the last day or so about my own religious/spritual path and what the term agnostic means as I apply it to myself. Agnostic is a pretty broad term that can encompass a variety of beliefs, but the commonality is the whole "unknowable" thing. That's why I consider myself agnostic, although non-denominational Christian may also be accurate. Non-denominational Christian agnostic? I just don't know any of the answers to the questions that religion purports to answer, and I don't believe I ever will. Even when I was fully active in the LDS church, I never believed in all of the teachings. The LDS religion is not something I dismissed in adulthood. I didn't "lose my testimony", "go apostate", I didn't get "offended" and leave, I'm not anti-Mormon, I'm not just too lazy to live the teachings, or any of those things that people often assume about people like me. I just never fully believed in it. I can remember as a teenager knowing that I wouldn't marry in the temple. I didn't want to, even when I was a faithful YW/seminary attendee. I couldn't articulate exactly why, but I can clearly remember being 17 years old and telling my friend that I would get married in a civil ceremony and then go to the temple later on if I wanted to. I took the temple prep classes in my early 20's and still had no desire to attend the temple. I tried for years to reconcile my beliefs with church teachings so that I could attend and not be frustrated. It didn't work. That's when I kindof decided I was LDS agnostic... meaning, I identified as LDS because that was the religion of my family and my upbringing, and I believed in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Parents, but that I didn't believe all of the rest was really knowable. And then I just couldn't attend anymore, and now I don't really identify as LDS anymore. I'm "Christian", "unaffiliated", or "agnostic", depending on who is asking. I would actually love to start attending the LDS Church again and have a community to worship with, and to worship with my family, but it's just so hard to figure out how to make it all work and not be a hair-pulling-out experience. Still working that out in my head... Stay tuned. :) This is a weird subject for me to write about. I very rarely talk about it anymore, and usually regret it when I do... so I'm sure I'll regret writing this post. Private thoughts and all that. Oh well. That's my story if you ever wondered. :)