One For My Therapist

Actually I don't have a therapist anymore.  Well, I suppose I do, but I haven't seen her in forever.   But now that I think about it, I miss talking to her.  I should make an appointment just so we can chat. 

Anyway, how weird is this?  Lexi is the only one of my kids whom I dropped off at kindergarten the first day without shedding a little tear on the way home.  With all the other kids, I would drive away and cry all the way home, and then be fine.  But I didn't cry when I dropped my baby off.  I didn't really poke around in my head too much to figure out why or to try to drum up a few tears, because I get weepy enough about stupid stuff without having to try to get that way.  In fact, I got all choked up the week before when she told me, "I can reach the big drinking fountain now, mom! I don't need your help anymore."  And then today, I cried for another mom dropping off her boy.  He didn't want to go to kindergarten.  He said it was too hard.  And he clung to his mom for dear life and wouldn't get in line and wouldn't go in.  And it pulled me right back to Josh, and how I had to drag him out of the car that first week, and how he cried.  And as I walked away I told her, "My little boy cried at first too, and it is so hard."  And then I went to my truck with tears in my eyes and cried all the way to the gas station where I bought a giant Diet Pepsi.  Because the part I didn't tell her is, it doesn't always get easier.  I tucked Josh into bed last night and he got tears in his eyes and said he didn't want to go to school tomorrow; he wants to be home schooled.  And it is so hard.  My friend Sandra once told me about the special bond between moms and sons, and I was like...whatever... because I didn't have any sons at that time.  Now I know exactly what she was talking about. 

Ways I was socially awkward last week (that I remember):  I've seen the missionaries in Wal-Mart a few times and I always think that if they get to the front when I do, I'll pay for their groceries.  They are super cute boys.  But it never works out.  Until last week.  They pulled up right behind me in line.  Serendipity.  I paid for my stuff, and then I turned and gave the missionary right behind me in line $20 and said something really profound and awesome, like, "Take this."  And probably made a weird face and grunted or something.  I don't know.  He was cute and all, "Oh!  Are you sure!" And I was like, "Yes!  Awesome! Good-bye!"  Or something really cool like that.  I didn't even acknowledge his cute companion.  And then I just felt like a stupid spaz.  Gah!!  Why am I so lame?  It's because I hate being thanked and I just wanted to give them some money and get out, so blaharahgieheihg.  Most people might think this is weird of me, but I felt even more awkward because his companion is black, so I felt even ickier, like I ignored him on purpose, not just because I'm socially awkward.  Then I worried all the way home about whether he shared the money with his companion, because they were each checking out their few items separately.  They had like a bike tube, a gallon of milk, and 5 dozen eggs.  How cute are they? 

I'm totally buying this.  Ghost Town For Sale- Geyser and Llamas Included  Gotta ask Sean when he gets home, but this one's mine.  Ima be the mayor.